Recounting Women

Fear of being disabled I feel more accepting now. I feel people put a label on you but I’m still me and I can wear sparkly shoes even if they are flat.

Before when I came to get into the house I used to wait and think what’s going to happen today – am I safe? Now when I come back home I don’t have to worry, it’s my house and I’m safe and the children don’t feel frightened anymore.

An envelope is just fear to me. People making decisions about your life that don’t know you. They don’t know what it feels like to be disabled, before I was always the carer.

It’s really hard being on your own. It’s hard to find someone who understands and can support me. Sometimes it’s safer to remain on your own and not be hurt again.

Life is good now living alone but not lonely. Before I always had to put a face on, there was nobody I could talk to, I just always felt alone.

It was difficult because I had to keep it all inside. I thought nobody would understand because English isn’t my first language and also because they can’t see what’s going on. But you can’t keep everything inside.

Nobody knows what goes on in my head. Mental health is an invisible illness and not understood.

I love this view it makes me feel grateful for my new beginning. My son asks what’s on the other side of these hills. A feeling of freedom; something many of us don’t feel.

The fence at the back of my new house that makes me feel safe. Before I didn’t feel safe, I felt vulnerable and exposed. It feels like I have some control.

This tree keeps me strong, it keeps standing even when the wind blows. I have to keep going, have to get the children to school, even though life is hard. You have to be strong all the time it’s not easy.

Since the colleges merged there have been lots of cuts affecting women. Before women seeking asylum got support and childcare to go to college. Now there isn’t enough money to go and pay for childcare. I’ve been stopped and can’t go any further, because I’m only allowed to go part time and can’t continue with my course as it needs more hours.

It helped me to understand about people’s behaviours. Some people think that what they are doing is normal, that it’s ok to harm you, it’s important to know that it’s not. Your socialisation is important how you were brought up. It helps make sense of why people behave and to forgive people.

This is the Sheriff Court where I experienced so much injustice.Including unsupervised visits and Bar Reports that weren’t fair for me and my children. How much abuse can a father do to a child that puts his children out on the street, changes the locks, puts their clothes outside in bin bags. Then they force the children to see their dad while I’m trying to help them forget the trauma.

My daughter is easy going and sensitive. She likes to talk to me. When she asks if she can help in the kitchen that’s the time she tells me about her feelings. My eldest doesn’t – I don’t know what is going on in her head, I wish she could tell me. I don’t think it’s fair for a child to have so much anger and worries to cope with because of her dad.

I used to have very healthy food and the children liked the presentation on their plates. When I was with my ex-husband he deprived us of food. He ate at restaurants but didn’t buy me the food to make for the children. Now it’s like we are now in control of our life, we decide what to do – before he did.

Mental health issues aren't recognised they're not seen as a disability, not as something that can be seen in the same way as physical health issues. Light at the end of the tunnel – when I’m feeling sad or down knowing that everything doesn’t last forever.

Mines and my kid’s hands.As long as I have them I have meaning in my life. They give me strength to do better in life for them. Knowing that their love lasts a lifetime no matter what happens in my life I will always have their love to keep me going.I got back into education to make something of my life to give them the best I can give.

My guitar is my best friend - it keeps me sane. I was a folk singer, I have been singing since I was a child. But singing is no longer allowed. I have to wait until he goes to bed.